To The New Nova,
If you’re reading this, then congratulations. You actually did it. You’re a Jaeger now, which means the version of me sitting here writing this is, for all practical purposes, dead. Bit fucking dramatic when I put it like that, isn’t it? Still, there’s no point pretending otherwise. Even if the preservation worked and you managed to keep some of our memories, you’re not going to be exactly the same person I am right now. Maybe you’ll remember everything. Maybe you’ll only remember pieces. Maybe you’ll look at the people we love and know that they matter without understanding why. Gods, I hope that’s not the case. More than anything, I hope you remember them. But if you don’t, then I need you to know one thing before anything else: you chose this. We chose this.
Nobody dragged us into becoming a Jaeger. Nobody stole our life away. We knew there was a chance we’d lose pieces of ourselves, maybe even most of ourselves, and we went through with it anyway. There was a reason for that, even if you can’t remember it anymore. I know that’s probably a shitty thing to hear from a woman who conveniently gets to disappear before dealing with the consequences, but you’re just going to have to trust me on this one. We don’t make sacrifices like this because somebody told us to. Hell, half the time being told to do something is the fastest way to make us do the exact opposite. We did this because there are things in this city worth protecting, and because we decided we were willing to pay the price to protect them.
That’s the important part, I think. Memories can be taken. Names can fade. Faces can become unfamiliar. Maybe even love can turn into some strange ache in your chest that you don’t have a name for anymore. But I don’t believe they can take everything. There are parts of us buried deeper than memory. We’re rowdy, stubborn, independent, hedonistic, and probably a pain in the ass to anyone who thinks authority is a substitute for a good argument. We like good food, good drink, good company, and doing whatever the hell we please when nobody has given us a compelling reason not to. Most importantly, we’re free. Becoming a Jaeger doesn’t change that. Having responsibilities doesn’t change that either. Duty isn’t a cage unless you let somebody else decide what your duty is for you.
So choose it. Every time you wake up, choose it again if you have to. Choose the Chapter. Choose the people fighting beside you. Choose the poor bastards in Luyarnha who are just trying to survive another night without being eaten, driven mad, or turned into something with too many fucking limbs. Don’t protect them because someone ordered you to. Protect them because they deserve the chance to choose what happens to their own lives. That’s what this has always been about for us. Freedom, power, and love. Those are the three things I want you to hold onto if everything else gets ripped away.
Freedom is the easiest one. Nobody gets to decide our fate for us. Not a king, not a church, not a Chapter, not some eldritch thing lurking beyond the stars, and certainly not anyone who thinks putting a title in front of their name gives them ownership over us. People deserve the right to make their own choices, even bad ones. Especially bad ones, sometimes. Power is what makes that freedom possible. There are people in this world who can’t defend themselves, and pretending otherwise doesn’t help them. We wanted power because power gives us the ability to stand between those people and whatever wants to hurt them. Don’t hoard it just so you can feel important. Use it. If someone weaker than you needs help, fucking help them.
And love… well, love is the reason any of this matters in the first place. I really hope you remember the people we love. I hope you can look at them and feel everything I feel right now. But if you can’t, then don’t fake it for their sake and don’t punish yourself for it either. Let them tell you who they were to us. Give yourself the chance to know them again. Maybe you’ll love them the same way. Maybe you’ll love them differently. Maybe you’ll become someone they weren’t expecting. That’s okay. You don’t owe anyone a perfect recreation of the woman I am right now. I’m not writing this because I expect you to spend the rest of your life pretending to be me.
Actually, that’s probably the most important thing I can tell you: don’t try to be me. If you don’t know what Nova Oriana would have done, don’t sit there digging through old journals and asking yourself what some dead woman would want. Ask what you want. Trust your instincts. Question people who demand obedience without giving you a reason. If someone tries to put a leash around your neck, bite the fucking hand holding it. If you have the strength to protect somebody, use it. If you find something worth enjoying in this miserable city, enjoy the hell out of it. Drink, laugh, flirt, sing, fuck, fight, love, and do all the stupid things that make being alive worth the trouble.
The madness is probably going to come for you. That’s part of this now, and I wish I had something clever to say that would make it less terrifying. I don’t. Just don’t let it make your choices for you. People are depending on us now. Your Chapter is depending on you. The people you fight beside are depending on you. There are innocents in this city who will never know your name and may never realize you were the reason they got to see another morning. That’s fine. We didn’t do this because we wanted statues.
We did it because we decided some things were worth protecting.
So protect them. Stay free. Get stronger. Love people hard enough that losing them scares the shit out of you. And if all of this ever starts feeling like too much, remember that I knew exactly what becoming you might cost me, and I chose you anyway.
Make it worth it.
And for fuck’s sake, have some fun while you’re at it.
—Nova Oriana